Today I spent the afternoon taking photos for a charity event that was the typical “Santa Run” that still happens in some rural or small towns and gosh it gave me some beautiful moments that filled my heart of joy.
The first hour, I had 2 mini humans joins us on the bus and we were talking about what direction the bus was turning, left or right. I showed them the typical hand gestures of L is for left and your other hand is right. They added a very adorable, “and when you put them together it’s a diamond”. I looked down at my own hands and I’m wearing a fair good collection of diamonds on my fingers so I laughed and agreed with them. I think I taught these random 4 and 5 year olds something pretty awesome and that moment made me pretty clucky, maybe I’ll be ok at this parenting thing.
We stopped at many corners of the roads and handed out bags of goodies, drinks, toys, and bottles of cold water to kids in simple plastic bags. They appeared to adore the experience.
There is one moment that made me laugh the most. A little girl who was no more than 5 years old, must had just finished playing in the pool with her other little humans, wearing a full piece swimmers with cute frills and poker dots. She grabbed her plastic bag filled with things and grabbed out the packet of chips and squealed with delight. “Chips! Mum, I have chips!!” Then was repeated it many times, with so much delight.
Now, out of all of 100’s of kids I saw today, that image kept replaying in my head. Only a few hours later, like now I’ve figured out why that little girls squeals of delight is trapped in my head.
My twin had a intelectual disability and she adored Christmas, especially Santa and she would count down for Christmas Day from basically October. She also was a big fan of a packet of chips. In fact at her funeral, we all had a can of Coke, drank it out of a straw like she did and ate a small packet of chips in her honour. Isn’t it funny how your subconscious works, what triggers grief or infact simply a nice memory of a beloved one.
Christmas always triggers grief attacks for me, it’s so bitter sweet. I’m such an atheist however it was always a pleasure to spend Christmas Day with my sister. I’m so grateful I spent her last Christmas morning with her. Yes, it’s all about Santa, Christmas carols, unwrapping multiple Christmas presents, buying lots of little presents for her knowing the unwrapping of the presents was the most joyful part for my twin who was stuck in the mindset of a young child.
I’m not the biggest fan of Christmas, I dislike the fakeness of it all, the pressures it puts on families, the debt people get in while keeping up with the Jones or just trying to buy their child and family members a present. I dislike the expectations it creates, or when you spend extra money on someone and they give you a crap present.
The reality really is spending the majority of time with family you don’t really see most of the year, place silly hats on your head and some stressed person cooks everything and everyone else stuffs their guts of food, but doesnt finish the food, endding up in a food coma and everyone wants to sleep all afternoon.
But I do try to enjoy that magic in the air and try to enjoy aspects of it like my sister did.
For the first time this year, I experienced that for a moment or so.. It felt nice.